the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
