Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
