I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
