I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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