its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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