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God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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