the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
