Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
