i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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