I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
