i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
