So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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