I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
