she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
