I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Are we still banned from the library?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
