we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I think my moral compass just broke
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
