Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize