maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
