I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
