hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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