I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
