its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
