This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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