My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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