You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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