He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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