Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
