"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
