I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
