my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
