Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
