We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
