the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
