Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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