also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize