Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
