Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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