Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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