Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
