Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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