How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
