What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
