I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Maybe he injected his testicle?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
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