I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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