that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
