it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
where does the pee come out of this thing
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
