I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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