yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
