They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I met the friendliest cop last night
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Every concussion has its silver lining
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
