i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
