yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
