I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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