I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He keeps bees of course he's weird
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
