Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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