You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Holy shit dude........stairs
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
