So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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