Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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