Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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