So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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