Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I checked into jail on foursquare
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
