Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
