Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Mom said you looked used
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
