that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
