At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
