just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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