I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
