He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
